Note: This post is part of a weekly series called ‘Seneca Sundays’. Each week, I reflect on one of Seneca’s ‘Moral Letters to Lucilius’, and summarise the most practical and useful principles to share with you.
In this letter, Seneca shares his view on friendship, and how to choose one’s friends.
1. Real friendship involves more trust than we think
“If you consider any man a friend whom you do not trust as you trust yourself, you are mightily mistaken and you do not sufficiently understand what true friendship means. Indeed, I would have you discuss everything with a friend.”
This idea may not be for everyone, but at the very least, it’s a good challenge to think about who we trust, what we share with them, and how vulnerable we’re willing to be.
It also got me thinking: to what extent is the richness of life correlated with the depth of friendship?
2. Don’t rush into friendship
Seneca isn’t telling us to blindly trust anyone though. His point is that if we’re going to trust someone deeply, we can’t rush into that friendship.
Many people “judge a person after they have made him their friend, instead of making him their friend after they have judged him.”
This idea felt a little cold at first; perhaps too calculated. But considering the amount of time we spend with friends, and the influence they can have on the way we think and act, being cautious and deliberate likely pays off in the long run.
The thread that runs throughout this letter is Seneca’s focus on fewer, deeper, and more vulnerable friendships. It’s also made me feel grateful for the family and friends who came to mind as I wrote this post.
Here’s to friendship!