Yesterday I went to a Death Cafe. I know it sounds morbid, but it really isn’t.
I discovered the Death Cafe movement via a Frank Ostaseski’s seminar ‘What the Dying Teach the Living’ that he presented at the Long Now Foundation. He spoke about the value of the movement, and it piqued my interest.
In their own words, “At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. Our objective is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’. A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.”
I had a hunch London would have a Death Cafe, and sure enough, the wonderful Blackfriars Settlement charity in the borough of Southwark hosts one every two months.
I went by myself and was a bit nervous, but the experience ended up being profound. The facilitators from Blackfriars Settlement stuck true to the ethos of the Death Cafe movement. There was no agenda, they established a clear set of ground rules, and they encouraged open, vulnerable, and honest conversation.
It’s rare in London to talk to strangers, and even rarer to talk about something as personal as death, but over the course of two hours, I spoke with six people ranging from their mid-thirties to their late-seventies, about practical, emotional, and philosophical aspects of death.
Most of all I was impressed by the level of respect, dignity, curiosity, and thoughtfulness that each participant brought to the conversation. There was no topic that was off the table, and no perspective that was shunned. Everyone approached the evening with an intention to understand.
I’m glad I went, and I’ll likely go again.