Maru and I will sometimes discuss mental load, and how we can share it more evenly.
First, there is the defined load, which is a set split of weekly or monthly responsibilities.
Then there’s the mental load for the things that come up sporadically. Planning meals, communicating with the landlord if there’s an issue, planning social activities, etc.
If the balance falls too much towards one person, we have a conversation about what mental load should shift to other.
I think these conversations are helpful because the size of the mental load remains invisible until someone describes it.